Improving Sentence Structure
Student writers often fall into these two traps when constructing sentences:
1. The Grocery List
The writer’s description is just a list of adjectives or attributes.
E.g.: The car was old, rusty, scratched, dirty, broken-down, unreliable.
2. The Broken Record
The writer begins each sentence the same way. Sentences are usually short, choppy, and monotonous.
E.g.: She had long, blonde, braided hair. She had a polka- dotted dress. She had bright pink lipstick. She had a scarf tied around her neck.
Can you guess which trap this student writer fell into? Click to enlarge.
Strategies to overcome these pitfalls:
- Separate the grocery list—give each detail its own descriptive sentence.
- Replace repetitive pronouns with more interesting alternatives.
- Use a different subject.
- Combine some shorter sentences.
- Begin some sentences with –ing verbs instead of nouns.
These strategies come from Super Story-Writing Strategies and Activities by Barbara Mariconda, Scholastic, 2000. I highly recommend this book which is filled with wonderful practice activities for a variety of writing crafts. See below for some examples of sentence fluency practice exercises.
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Separate the Grocery List
Example:
It was a bright, sunny, hot summer day.
To use this strategy, the writer gives each adjective in the above sentence its own descriptive sentence.
"bright" = I shielded my eyes from the bright afternoon sunshine.
"sunny" = There was not a cloud in the sky, and the sun burned stronger than ever.
"hot" = I wiped the sweat from my forehead as I looked for a shady spot to rest.
The revised piece looks like this:
I shielded my eyes from the bright afternoon sunshine. There was not a cloud in the sky, and the sun burned stronger than ever. I wiped the sweat from my forehead as I looked for a shady spot to rest.
Replace Repetitive Pronouns
When a writer begins each sentence with the same pronoun, the piece can be improved by simply replacing those pronouns with a synonymous word or phrase.
Example:
He was so tall that he actually towered over a nearby pine tree. He was wearing a pair of tattered overalls that hung from his lean frame. He was carrying a fishing pole and a garbage can. I stepped closer to get a better look.
Revised:
The enormous man was so tall that he actually towered over a nearby pine tree. The extraordinary creature was wearing a pair of tattered overalls that hung from his lean frame. The mysterious giant was carrying a fishing pole and a garbage can. I stepped closer to get a better look.
Use a Different Subject
Example:
She had long black hair.
Revised:
Long black hair cascaded over her shoulders.
Combine Shorter Sentences
Demonstrate this strategy for your students by writing a paragraph consisting of short, choppy sentences:
I have a dog. He is brown. He is fluffy. His name is Jack. He likes to sleep with me.
Next, combine some of the sentences to improve the sentence structure:
I have a brown, fluffy dog named Jack. One of his favorite things to do is sleep in my bed with me.