Writing Trait/Strategy:

Adding details; organization

Description:

Some young writers have difficulty clearly conveying their message on paper. They know what they want to write about but struggle to capture their thoughts on paper in a way that is clear to the reader. This mini-lesson helps students see the need to clarify their information and include enough details for the reader. Model this technique by writing a “story” on the overhead or chart paper:

My brother has a dog.

Ask students what they think of your story. Most will say that you need to write more. Ask students what they want to know about your dog. They will ask questions such as, “What is its name? Where did you get it? What does it look like?” Write a second draft of your story, including answers to their questions. Help students to see that a writer needs to include enough details for the reader.

Extend this technique by having students read a draft of one of their stories to the class. Invite classmates to ask the writer questions that will help clarify the message. After sufficient modeling, this technique can also be used with writing partners.

After sufficient modeling, I encourage my students to begin asking the questions of themselves as they write. “What would my reader want to know about my story?”  With my developing and fluent writers, I expand the “asking questions” strategy by teaching them how to use planning sheets.

Writing Trait/Strategy:

Adding details; organization

Mentor Text Suggestions:

• Your own modeled writing—see description below
• The Quilt Story by Tony Johnston
• Laura Charlotte by Kathryn Galbraith
• Knots on a Counting Rope by Bill Martin, Jr.,
• The Hickory Chair by Lisa Fraustino
• Every Friday by Dan Yaccarino
• A Chair for My Mother by Vera Williams

Description:

To give students more practice in asking questions to help clarify their writing, I often use this technique as a brainstorming tool. We begin by making a list of all the questions we think the reader might want to have answered in the piece. Students answer the questions either orally or on a planning sheet before beginning their rough drafts. When using planning sheets for this prewriting activity, I always model how to go from the completed planning sheet to the first draft. Without sufficient modeling, students will end up just recopying the answers from the planning sheets. Following are two sample lessons that work well with this technique:

Special Object

Read aloud a picture book involving a character who owns a special object. The Quilt Story by Tony Johnston and Laura Charlotte by Kathryn Galbraith are good ones. Have students select an object that is special to them. Brainstorm questions that the reader will want to know, such as:

• Where did you get this object?
• Why is it special to you?
• How long have you had it?
• Have you ever misplaced it?
• Have students answer the questions and then write a first draft.

Student Sample:

Family Traditions

Read aloud a picture book involving a family tradition such as Knots on a Counting Rope by Bill Martin, Jr., The Hickory Chair by Lisa Fraustino , or A Chair for My Mother by Vera Williams . Give students the following assignment: “Make a list of some family traditions that are important to you. Think about holidays, birthdays, or other special events. Think also about everyday events that are traditions in your family. The traditions can be from the present or the past and can involve your entire family or just one member. Talk to other members of your family to get more ideas.”  I model first by making my own traditions list:

Have students complete planning sheets and drafts using the following questions as a guide:

• What is the tradition and how do you participate in it?
• Why is it important to you? Why do you love it?
• How does it make you feel?

Model by writing about one of your own family traditions. Here is one of mine:

Writing Trait/Strategy:

Ways with words; creating mind pictures for the reader

Mentor Text Suggestions:

• Night Noises by Mem Fox
• Widget by Lyn Rossiter McFarland
• The Painter by Peter Catalanotto
• Dad and Me by Peter Catalanotto
• Chrysanthemum by Kevin Henkes

Description:

Mark Twain said, “Don’t say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.” In other words, show, don’t tell the reader what is happening. Instead of telling the reader that the character is happy, excited, angry, or scared, the writer should show it.

When reading aloud picture books to students, look for examples where the author shows rather than tells. For example, in Night Noises by Mem Fox, instead of telling the reader that Lily Laceby is old, Fox shows us: “Her hair was as wispy as cobwebs in ceilings. Her bones were as creaky as floorboards at midnight.”

These are the procedures I use to introduce this craft to my students:

1. Introduce the show-don’t-tell technique by acting out an emotion without telling students what it is. For example, act out “angry” by using body language and describing what you are thinking or feeling without using the word “angry.” Have students guess the emotion.
2. Next have students list as many emotion words as they can and call on volunteers to act out several emotions.
3. When you feel that students understand this concept, have them select an emotion to write about. Have them write a sentence or two, telling the emotion (e.g., “I was so happy when my dad said we could get a puppy.”
4. Have them write a second draft, showing rather than telling (e.g., “When my dad announced that we could get a puppy, I jumped off my chair and planted a kiss on his cheek!”).

In my experience teaching this technique I find that my students understand what I mean by “show, don’t tell” but they have difficulty incorporating it into their writing. To scaffold this for them, I go around the room and ask each student to tell their emotion word. As a class we collaborate to orally describe what the emotion might look like. They say that “excited” looks like “jumping up and down” or “proud” looks like “shoulders back and head held high.” Once we have done this oral practice, they find it much easier to “show” in their writing.

Student Samples: